Why is it when love seems to be failing,changing or ending, every single song that I hear directly correlates with all that I am experiencing....thank the Goddess for music....at least I know I am not alone....Ben Harper seems to have walked on the similar path way sooner then I... lol

Last night I went to the Zen Center with Dann. The two times that I have been there, I have found much comfort in all that I am experiencing. At times I feel like I may loose my mind, and that my heart will break through my chest and fall out onto the floor into a thousand peices. Broken expectations seems to create the most pain out of all that I have experienced...almost even greater then death. It's so odd. Why expect anything in life? How many times will it take for me to figure that lesson out? Anyways, a question came up about dealing with sadness. How do we deal with sadness and the emotions that come up with sadness....the answer? Just be present with the pain and do something with the sadness. Examples such as helping others that are sad, or having a hard time by reaching out through a conversation, a look, a compassionate gesture. Connecting in our meditation practice with those that are suffering as well, acknowledging their pain, and ours, and remembering we are not alone.

I feel like I spend an exuberant amount of energy trying to tiptoe around uncomfortable situations. I am one to continually surround myself around people and social activities to keep myself from feeling the true depth of my sadness. I find if I don't do these things, I end up in a dark room for days pondering the meaning of life. This time I am going to do what the teacher of last night suggested. I am being present with these intense emotions and using the energy behind them to continue moving forward. Embracing the pain rather then being paralyzed by it. Life is forever changing. We are constantly challenged to cultivate growth with in ourselves..... He also mentioned one helpful insight to finding "enlightment". Many people spend an abundance of energy on trying to figure out why life is the way it is. Why are we sad, confused, angry, happy, unfullfilled? Buddha sat under a tree for six years to wake up to something so beautiful. What was that? Community, love, forgiveness, acceptance, joy. All of the resources that we have at the tip of our fingers. Everything we need is here in front of us. All we have to do is reach out and grab it; be it.

Two more weeks and I'm back to the West coast. I am equally excited as I am feeling sad...such a complex creature this mind is.