I had an incredible dream the night before last. 

In general I have always chosen to keep my dreams rather private due to the elusive nature of them and the inability to actually describe what went down.  However, over the past six months, there has been a huge awareness, awakening, or whatever you want to call it in my dream state.  My dreams have been more clear and concise then ever.  I wake up with strong messages, maybe premonitions (although I'm still a bit skeptical) floating through my mind and am finding much significance in writing about that of what is coming up for me. This particular dream affected me in such a profound way, I am still replaying the events in my mind.

As some of you may, or may not know, I have decided to move back to California.  I will be exploring the Bay area this time around and am feeling very excited and delighted for this upcoming journey.  There is much opportunity, I feel, that awaits for me there.  However, I have many family and close friend ties in the Chicago and Kenosha area.  Especially someone I love very deeply.   He is my best friend, my partner in crime, the person I know that I could fall backwards, eyes closed, hands tied and he would catch me in a heart beat. I feel regretfully torn about my decision to leave him for what is continuously calling and driving me to the West.  We have struggled for some time with my decision but ultimately always come to a place of love, acceptance, support, compassion and trust.   Life is what it is and we are rolling with it.  But it's not easy damnit!  It hurts!

Ah, so on to the dream and how this all ties in.......

I came to visit him at his home .  I was trembling with excitement to be in his home, his arms, his eyes.  I smelled the gardens, heard the wind chimes that always leave me feeling comforted and whole.  I heard the little kiddies in the background running and giggling.  I felt like I was home :)  I walked up the steps to his door and knocked feeling my heart tingle with excitement and an abundance of love pouring throug.  As the door opened I was met with a pair of eyes unfamiliar to me.  A new face.  A different energy.  Another woman.  She was kind, loving, gracious, patient, and just plain beautiful inside and out.  Exactly what he deserves.  She greeted me with a healing smile and called for her husband.  He came to me with those familiar loving eyes, only it was a bit different.  The unconditional love was still there, but his passion that he once had for me now was now interwoven with another.  My heart stopped.  It shut down.  The sky became grey.  I was humiliated, heart broken, disappointed and I can't even begin to describe the depth of sadness that flowed through my core.  He came to me and hugged me and held me while I cried on his shoulder, in his arms.  His energy was so pure, so loving, so free. He supported every single tear that I shed.  He spoke soft words in my ear that told me it was okay to cry and he was there for me.  He told me to remember the Source of all things....that we are never separate.  We are all connected.  To everything.  All the time.  Whether near or far, alive or dead, rock or tree; we are One.  There is no separation.  Our mind is that which creates the separation which then opens up doorways to fear, greed, insecurity, and so forth.  I heard his message clear.  He then asked me for my hands.  I willingly opened my hands to his and there he placed a small shinning golden Buddha.  He then closed my  hands over this precious amulet and wrapped his hands tightly over mine.  It was if the world stopped, my heart stopped, the breath that brought life to my body froze. We were one, with no separation, no time constraints, no pain or fear or rejection.  All that was in existence was love, ONE love.  The warmth began in our hands, shinning brightly the new energy washed over both of us and I instantly lost all feelings of insecurities, sadness, anger, resentment, jealousy, pain. Our breath was shared.  Our energy began to swirl and twirl together.  I had a strong vision.  I saw the love of my life happy, with his newwife and family, in his home, in his practice.  I was over filled with joy!  My heart litteraly almost exploded.  That feeling was still strong when I awoke.  I was able to replace all of my negative feelings with that of unconditional love.  Opening my heart to see how beauty touched his life and that awakening touched me deeply.  I understood that we are all One and because of this, his happiness was mine and mine was anothers and so on.  When I opened my eyes, we both had tears streaming down our faces, but this time the tears came from pure bliss.  A new passion arose in the my heart; that which was now blossoming from being kissed by this new way of experiencing love.  True love.  He turned away and walked back to his life.  I felt nothing but pure peace and blew him a butterfly kiss.  I knew in my heart that I would always be his little firefly ;) and that's a special blessing to have received in this life.  I walked away clutching the golden Buddha in my hand mesmerized in the love it emanated. My girlfriend was waiting for me in her car in the driveway.  I glided back to the car, observing the beauty of a nearby coy pond and the flowers in bloom.  As I slipped into the car, I was met by a very intensely heavy and dark energy.  I found my friend devastated, in tears, pouring her heart right out of her chest.  It was almost as if she was melting away into her pain.  She could not even speak.  I asked her to put her hands out and she did.  There I placed the golden Buddha that had brought an abundance of healing to my heart, to my process.  I wrapped my hands around hers and the luminous light of the statue flowed through us brightly and brought peace to her heart....I opened my eyes to see the soft glow of her face, her eyes closed, a small smile across her lips...I woke up.

The really insane thing about this dream is 1) I shared it with my lover who instantly felt as if he had been a apart of that dream.  It too effected him just as deeply as me.  2) I got a call from my girlfriend yesterday in the dream...her puppy died :(  She was devastated. In all the years that I've known this warrior woman I have never heard or seen her shed a tear.  Prudence, her puppy, was her baby, her child. I shared my dream with her and she was very thankful for the blessing.

Life really is quite the experience.  I'm finding the more I open up and let go, the more coincidences and eye opening moments I receive.
Over and over I am put in these situations where it is imperative to make sure we make every moment all that we can.  We never know when our time here is done, when we will leave a lover, or loose someone very special to us.  All we can do is be here now, in the present, and give as much love as possible.  So much easier said then done but I'm working on it every day in my practice.  I am committed to feeling the Oneness in all and letting go of the illusion that anything is seperate.